committing to the harvest

We’re one year into parenthood, and there’s still much to come. Before I take another step forward, I need to stand firm here for a moment. That no matter what our day to day looks like – working full time or being a stay at home parent, whether we have one kid or too many to count, wherever we live, whatever we pursue –  that these things remain true.

Parenting is not easy. I already know that to be true. And so, now, at the forefront, I want to wrap my mind around the years to come. Here’s my hope for our future.

I’m committing to…

To the seemingly endless and full days. The mundane, boring-as-hell days and the jam-packed days. The chasing after and picking up after. Cleaning up messes and then making more messes.

To the “what am I doing with my life” moments to the “this is exactly where I need to be” ones.

To the work and intentionality of instilling values and ideas in our kids. Teaching them about language, art, and culture. Giving them memorable experiences that challenge and shape how they think about each other and the world around them.

To the giving up of myself so that there can be more for our kids. The selfless act of choosing to set some of me aside for the moment in order to fully pursue this dream, this goal, that’s right in front of me.

And then to pick it back up again, and be an example of pursuing passions, working hard, taking risk, showing up. Being brave. Showing myself worthy of expressing my full self.

To rumble in vulnerability, as a mom who will fail, struggle, and wrestle with how to approach hard things. To acknowledge my sin and weaknesses, to work my ass off in practicing humility, apologizing and asking forgiveness from my kids when I hurt them. To be healthy enough to teach them emotion language so that they can enter the world bravely.

To intentionally challenge myself to grow and rise up in my weaknesses in order to be an example of strength for my kids. To try to weave together an impactful story that my kids can learn from in their lifetime.

My prayer, that my life be a story of faithfulness and intentionality, of striving after Jesus.

I’m setting my mind, my heart, and my soul on this. That I give this, motherhood, my all. That maybe, somehow, our kids will grow to love well, equipped to face the world with all of its brokenness, relying on Jesus.

That someday we may reap all the seeds we’ve sown, and rest in peace and joy when the time comes.