Wandering with Jesus

“God’s will is not for you to be confused or lost.” This is what a friend told me as I described how I’ve been feeling lately. I’m not responsible for much these days, and in some ways it’s amazing. Like being on vacation full-time. But I’m not sure it’s always good for people.

I think there’s something about the human spirit that needs something to take care of. We are a people who like to produce, create, and maintain. Without that, we feel a sense of purposelessness. We are created to work. A garden, kids, pets, job responsibilities. Something to keep us occupied, busy, and moving forward. Right now I don’t have any of those.

I’m still in limbo with what’s next for me. I’ve been unwinding and rebuilding over the past few months (Read this post to find out why!), and I feel like I’m ready to take on something new. I’ve rested. I’ve been silent. I’ve listened. I’ve taken care of myself. I started working out, eating healthier, and created healthier habits. I’m reading books again and am starting to explore new avenues of interest.

There are still bits that I’m working through from this last year, like mild anxiety and depression, but as I look back on what I was writing about at this time last year, I see a stark contrast to today. I feel like a different person. I’ve come so far and fought so hard to get here. I’m so thankful to be here.

I’m ready for the next “big thing.” Maybe that’s too eager? I have a feeling that there’s still a lot of waiting ahead for me. Which is, in all honesty, annoying. I just want answers, but God has been very silent.

What I have been learning, though, is to trust Him more. I feel a more desperate need to pray in the mornings and lean on Him for patience, strength, and endurance. I feel more need to pick up my Bible and soak in the word for encouragement, joy, and peace. I have seen God come through my casual, everyday conversations with people, and the things I write about. These, friends, are good signs.

In this continued season of waiting, I think this is what I’m being called to. To persevere in patience and prayer. To learn how to trust God deeper with my hopes and dreams.

It’s hard, friends. Oh my, is it hard. When I think of the future, it looks like a giant black, bleak, never-ending tunnel of nothingness. But I’m being called to claim something different, and it’s stretching my faith. God knows my heart, my skills and passions, and what my future holds. He knows what is best for me, and is inviting me to lay all that I am and all that I have at his feet. And just trust. 

I’ve noticed that a lot of people my age experience similar feelings: post-grad/early adulthood angst. “What do I do with my life?” “How do I get started?” “Is this really what I want?” We want to make a difference in the world. There’s so many opportunities out there that it’s easy to get paralyzed by fear and indecision.

Maybe these questions will continue to follow us at any age. To anyone who can relate, use this time to be silent with God.

Even if he isn’t clear about his will for you and when opportunities seem to be waving goodbye, he is still good. He still loves you. You still have a purpose, and you still matter. There’s still much to learn.

Soak in this time to draw near to God and trust that he is preparing you for what’s next. It may be months or years away from now before you feel like “This is what I’m meant for!” And that’s okay.

Take every opportunity to grow, to be sanctified, and to learn about who God is and who you are in him.

In times when the future seems unclear and when you don’t know which way to turn, stay close to Jesus and find refreshment from him alone.

How do you respond in times of uncertainty?